


Danger in the Produce Aisle

by allwaswell16



Series: OT 4/5 Very Silly Chat/Email Chain Drabbles [1]
Category: Ed Sheeran (Musician), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Chatting & Messaging, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Grocery Store, Humor, M/M, Silly, ot4 group chat with ed, whatsapp chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:54:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9081307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allwaswell16/pseuds/allwaswell16
Summary: Louis finds a frightening piece of produce at the grocery store. The group chat comes to his rescue.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [freetheankles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/freetheankles/gifts).



> A silly birthday drabble for my lovely friend, Addy! All the love. xx
> 
> Notes from the original tumblr post: Okay, so I know you’d prefer a BUCKLE UP BITCHES angst drabble, but I have no idea how to write short angst. So instead you get this silliness based on real life events of the Squadron, featuring an OT4+Ed group chat. I’m sorry, and you’re welcome. Sending you all the love today! xx

                                  

******************************

Louis misses Harry. Fuck you, France. Fuck you, Christopher Nolan. He normally wouldn’t curse opportunities to showcase how amazing Harry is, but the automatic doors of the grocery store have slid open and now closed behind him. He’s standing in the produce section, wishing Harry was here. He thinks about just skipping the produce and heading straight to the frozen food section or the ready-made deli section, but he knows Harry will call and want to know if he ate any fruits or vegetables today. And last week, he made him take photographic evidence that Louis had bought anything healthy to eat, which led to Louis taking some pretty filthy nudes from the bedroom to distract him. Louis taking photos always turns dirty. Harry had texted back asking how all the sheer drapes had ended up on the floor.

With a sigh, Louis starts looking through the produce. He’s definitely going with some of this shit that’s already washed and prepared. He throws in a bag of prewashed lettuce, and then, he goes back and exchanges it for the organic kind because Harry will definitely notice. He throws in a small cup of cut up celery, thinking maybe he can smear some peanut butter all over it and make it edible. Okay, he’s done with vegetables, check.

He heads to the fruit. There, he is met with the most disgusting thing he’s ever laid eyes on. What in the actual fuck is happening right now? He looks around to see if anyone else is as upset by the sight as he is. No one is even looking. How are they missing this hideous monstrosity? It’s literally taking up an entire box all on its own. He can’t seem to walk away. It’s like a horror movie, and you can’t look away.

He opens up Whatsapp and clicks on the chat titled, Brothers. Liam created it and refuses to make him an admin on it. He knows the first thing Louis would do is change the name (probably to Lads and oh yeah, Liam). In Louis’ defense, it’s fooking weird to have someone who has somewhat recently had his fingers inside you, very romantically mind you, in a group chat entitled “Brothers.”

He takes a photo of the offensive fruit and posts it in the chat.

 

> **Louis** : Dude wtf is this alien pod doing at the grocery store? It’s not labeled=alien pod #confirmed
> 
> **Niall** : I’m picturing it opening, and tiny alien creatures crawling out like spiders from a sac
> 
> **Louis** : Wtf Niall ew
> 
> **Niall** : Touch it
> 
> **Louis** : I’m still standing in front of it, idk what to do
> 
> **Niall** : TOUCH IT
> 
> **Ed** : Oh god this is scaring me
> 
> **Harry** : Buy it.
> 
> **Louis** : I’m sorry it’s freaking me out too, oh it’s even grosser close up
> 
> **Niall** : so it’s just one giant thing in one box, not labeled
> 
> **Louis** : Yes
> 
> **Harry** : It’s just a lonely fruit looking for love
> 
> **Ed** : It has eyes
> 
> **Harry** : I feel sorry for it.
> 
> **Niall** : It’s watching you
> 
> **Liam** : DON’T TOUCH THE FIRST ONE I’M SERIOUS
> 
> **Louis** : GAH!
> 
> **Niall** : Send it to Harry he will take care of the alien babies.
> 
> **Liam** : IT’S A FRUIT THAT GIVES SPLINTERS THAT ARE NOT EASY TO GET RID OF
> 
> **Harry** : Okay, now I don’t want that shit. Lou, what kind of fucking store are you shopping in?
> 
> **Louis** : I DON’T KNOW ITS JUST OUR REGULAR GROCERY STORE
> 
> **Liam** : It’s delicious but you have to open it with gloves
> 
> **Louis** : I really want to touch it
> 
> **Liam** : it’s not worth it. You’re gonna get hurt
> 
> **Ed** : Then how the fuck are you supposed to get it home?
> 
> **Louis** : But I think I need to touch it
> 
> **Liam** : Are u not reading what I’m saying it’s a FRUIT WITH NEEDLES TURN AROUND
> 
> **Niall** : They should label that shit. Or give you gloves. Honestly fuck that grocery store
> 
> **Liam** : You take them with the plastic bag on your hand
> 
> **Niall** : I’m going to see if they have them in my grocery story and if they do I’m complaining
> 
> **Liam** : It’s called a cactus pear for a reason
> 
> **Ed** : It’s not labeled though. That’s horrible.
> 
> **Louis** : There’s no label. They tried to trick me
> 
> **Harry** : Cactus pears…the BDSM of fruit
> 
> **Liam** : the splinters are unbearable
> 
> **Louis** : Okay I finally walked over to the bananas
> 
> **Harry** : Oh good. Buy some. And please remember to eat one every day, love. You need the potassium.
> 
> **Louis** :  I can still see it over there
> 
> **Louis** : I have to go back and touch it
> 
> **Liam** : LOUIS NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> **Louis** : Calm your tits Liam. I’ll use a plastic bag
> 
> **Niall** : I’m going to need receipts. Pic or it didn’t happen
> 
> <<<Louis sends a photo of himself touching the offensive fruit.>>>
> 
> **Liam** : Oh
> 
> **Louis** : what?
> 
> **Liam** : I was talking about the other fruit in the picture. The one in front.
> 
> **Louis** : FUCK FUCKING FUCK
> 
> **Harry** : What’s wrong??????
> 
> **Louis** : I FUCKING TOUCHED THE ONE IN FRONT
> 
> **Liam** : Well, I don’t know what else I could have done here
> 
>  
> 
> ********************************************
> 
>  
> 
> **Tumblr post:[Danger in the Produce Aisle](http://allwaswell16.tumblr.com/post/150835718636/happy-birthday-addy-tvshows-addict-okay-so-i)**

**Author's Note:**

> Love you, Addy! xx


End file.
